Dear Mother,
You're probably never going to read this and I'll never say these things to you, but I'll write them anyway because it's a form of catharsis.
Now, I know. I know. I haven't been the best daughter in the world. I haven't been the best daughter in a while. My indolent behaviour around the house is revolting, you're right. My inability to lift a single finger is disgusting. I am terrible. I am absolutely horrible. And the worst part is, I know it. I know how bad I am. I know what a filthy little parasite I am to you, yet I feel no need to do something about it. Sure, I do. I have the intention to (sometimes) but I never quite pull through.
And it's not just about being lazy. It's about not spending enough time with you. It's about prioritizing my social life before you. Or just my plain satisfaction. I'm inconsiderate. I only talk to you when it's convenient for me and I think random 'I love yous' compensate for my lack of communication in general. Either I'm on the internet the entire time, or I'm out with my friends. On an average day, I realize I only give you 20 minutes of my time. Properly. And that's not nice. That's not how a mother-daughter relationship should be like.
Except we're not your average mother-daughter. We've got some baggage. We have our issues. Some real, deep-seated issues. It's not been easy for either of us. For the longest time, I had so much difficulty talking to you given the circumstances. And I'm slowly starting to talk to you again. But I guess my bad behaviour is like a bad habit I can't shake off.
What I'm trying to say is I'm sorry. And I realize my short-comings. I can't say I can ever make it up to you but I can certainly try harder. But I don't want to promise you that because I've promised you that before and I broke it. So I'm not saying that in the next 24 hours, everything's going to make a 180 degree turn for the better. I'm saying is that I'm very much aware of it, I'll consider your feelings more and I'll see what to do from there. I don't want to promise you anything more. I'd love to, but I'd rather not make promises than break them.
Also, I realize that I handle situations a lot like my father (ashamedly enough) and that makes you even more angry. I don't communicate, when there's an argument, I just keep quiet and let 'time heal everything'. I never say sorry. The not saying sorry part I doubt is a trait I got from my dad, though. If anything, I got that myself. I guess I'm too stubborn and egoistic to apologize. And I'm sorry for that.
I'm sorry.
I love you despite everything. Always.
Your extremely guilty daughter,
Elida
p.s. whichever motherfucker who stole my purse on Friday (which is how all of this started in the first place), I swear to god I'll castrate you. And whatever I cut off, I'll feed off to the sharks down in South Africa and make you watch as they devour your former manhood. Now if you're a girl, well, I'll dislocate your face to a point where no plastic surgery can make you pretty again. Did you ever watch Kill Bill? Well, if you didn't, in Kill Bill Vol. II, there's a scene where Uma Thurman takes out Daryl Hannah's eye. I am Uma Thurman, you are Daryl Hannah. This is regardless whatever gender you are. And I hope you feel shit after realizing I had absolutely no cash in that wallet and the cards don't mean shit to you. Except maybe my goldcard, but otherwise I don't see how this was your gain either.
Okay, maybe I won't inflict any pain on you, but just know that I'm thinking it! I am thinking it!
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