Never Ever

When it comes to matters of the heart, I guess whether you want to admit it or not, you can normally see what's coming.

After liking a guy for 2 years, something in the back of my head knew that I was doomed from day one. I can't say I was surprised when I learned he liked my friend. I also knew that when I asked him out (this is no longer referring to the same guy), he was going to say no to me. Twice. That was not a shocker. Even for a dance (again, I'm talking about yet another guy), I knew the moment I decided I wanted to dance with him, we wouldn't. Now even for a fuckbuddy (yet another guy) where both parties know it's completely physical, I still manage to get rejected.

So I thought to myself, why in the world do I even bother? And I realized... It's the hope that people feed you with.

People, generally, wish only good things for others. So, obviously you're going to make them feel better. Make them believe their chances are higher than they really are. You tell them to look on the brightside, make them think, "what if?", and it's this stupid hope that keeps you holding on.

I know for a fact that I waited that long because I was hoping that by some miracle he might change his mind. Circumstances would be different. I held out for so long because I had the whole "but what if he woke up one morning and decided he liked me too?"

But that's not how it works. That's how it never works.

I've learned the hard way that if a guy doesn't like you from the very beginning, he probably never will. I also learned, quite harshly, that you can't change someone's mind when it comes to these things. And if you had to, then it's not worth it. In all this time, I've learned that "good things come to those who wait" is utter bullshit. If you really want something, you should just go for it. And if it takes too long... or it's too difficult... then that's an immediate indicator that you are, to put it simply, screwed.

I may know this, and many others may know it, too... but when you really like someone, you're always hoping this is an exception. Which is yet again... what hope does to you.

What is my point? Stop hoping. And if you're not hoping, stop letting other people be hopeful. You only make it worse in the long run.