Being back in Kuala Lumpur requires me to think about past lovers. [Yes, my love life was A LOT more apparent when I was in Malaysia and not to mention, requited.] One lover that stands out the most is obviously, Firhard.

He was my first everything, basically. Well, almost everything. My first proper date, my first kiss, my first significant boyfriend, my first 'oh-shit-my-mum's-come-home-quick-hide-in-the-closet' situation. With him, I learned a lot of what I know about love right now. We went through a lot of adventures together.

Now, he's been with another girl for almost 2/3 years now, someone who is almost exactly the opposite of me and here I am. Alone. 

So really, all I want to say is he's won. He's got a girlfriend who loves him, who dotes on him and treats him right [something I never did cause we kept our relationship under the sheets, literally and metaphorically.] But who knows? Maybe he wasn't my first love at all. Maybe he was my first lust. Maybe it was all physical. 

But I loved the boy and the boy loved me and what we had was real at some point or another. When did the balance tip and our physical desires overpowered everything while our emotions were significantly toned down. Why we ended up in a vicious cycle of hurting one another. Where exactly we stopped... I don't know. I guess, in this air, with these people, being here... I miss Firhard.

[Disclaimer: I actually do not like this song, I just thought it was relevant and appropriate. Also, my niece is obsessed with it so I've been listening to it a lot because I'm the best aunt and I love them to bits ergo I give them full control of the radio when we're in the car.]