I feel like it's been far too long since I've actually ranted about anything or have put myself down. This whole optimistic view on things is very unnatural to me. It's just a foreign concept and I'm done lying to myself.
I am not okay.
Not even in the slightest bit.
I sure as hell wish I was, though. Believe me, I'd kill to not have to feel this shit. I've tried talking myself out of it, I've tried to let others convince me but it never seems to stick. I still go to bed feeling like an absolute failure. Decaying piece of matter, with no use. I feel completely pointless.
I'm not even angry at anyone anymore. I'm passed that. I'm just down right sad. I keep thinking people hate me. There are merely a handful of people who I genuinely believe do not hate me and that's primarily Sash, Bex, Poli and Dari. For everyone else, I feel like they just dont like me. I don't like me. So why should they? It's just, I feel so many things could be easier if I weren't born. If I hadn't have met the people that I met. It's like, I walk around and I'm constantly disappointing people. I'm disappointing people by being weak. All I'm doing is either getting people to feel sorry for me (I'm really good at that). I disappoint people because I make them upset.
I'm just one disappointment after the other.
There's not one bit of me that doesn't hate myself.
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