The Ghost of You

I saw you the other night. You stood before me as if the last 3 months never happened. Dark hair and brown eyes, it was you. So I barely managed a 'hey', I allowed myself to go with you and off we were in our own little world, conversing. I'd stop midway through a sentence from time to time just to savour the moment. But it wasn't you, just a ghost.

Remember the first time we met? And the first time I supposedly 'annoyed' you? And all the hatred that followed after? You'd be screaming profanities at me from across the room. I remember it offending all my friends. Sophie would face Laura and say, "Those two will never get along."

She couldn't have been more wrong. And more right.

I'll never admit to you the moment I actually felt for you. For the longest time, I didn't know what it was that I felt for you. Even until now. All I knew was that there was something different about you. You saw right through my facade and you were certainly not interested in pursuing anything beyond friendship. Two things that made me feel uncommonly comfortable in your presence. I treasured our time together. Every memory catalogued in my mind to be brought up on days when you were far away and I was even further.

Do you remember that one Friday? When we had our first confrontation? I remember the ridiculous things you said, the excuses you had made. I don't think I've ever giggled out of nervousness that much in my life. The tension and awkwardness in the air was almost tangible. I also remember constantly wondering why you continued to stay for as long as you did even after the 'serious stuff' was already dealt with. Not that I was complaining, in fact I enjoyed your company. I always have. So while I was giggling in between breaths, I decided that I would definitely not mind having you around more often.

But then you weren't.

You had your issues and I had mine. We'd bled our poisons on to each other. So you drew away as I tried, fruitlessly, to make good again. I resented your decision and with that, we pushed each other away accordingly. It broke my heart. You were unlike any other and to have lost you was like having this huge void in me. Your ongoing absence constantly reminds me of this hollowness. It almost physically aches.

So as we conversed, I let the memories of our past wash over me. Reunited for a single night, beyond time and space. I lost myself in thoughts of all that we were, and all that we could have been. I waited for the warmth I felt rarely but remember so vividly to exude from you but it never came. You were ice cold. Ghostly. I saw you before me, demons exorcised and the faintest smile playing at the edge of your lips. You knew this wasn't real. You knew it wasn't really you yet I was more than happy to pretend.

Tragic, don't you think?

Love stories are for lovers and we were only ever, just friends.