When I first came to Vienna, sleeping early wasn't an issue. Being in a new country and all left me incredibly home sick. I missed everything about Malaysia. The people, the food, even the annoying, sexually repressed males who checked you out in a vulgar manner! I missed it so much, I'd plan trips back home months and months in advance. In my head, if I slept early, the faster tomorrow will come. I was more than happy to let all those months fly. Therefore, sleeping early was something I tried to do as often as possible.
Three and a half years later and I'm doing the exact opposite.
A third party would say my sleeping pattern is messed up, but in order to have a sleeping pattern, that would require me to be sleeping. In the last week alone, I think I've only slept for 6 hours. That's hardly enough for one night. Each night, it just gets worse and worse. First I go to bed at 2am, then I'm going to bed at 3am and before you know it, I'm sleeping at 5am. In addition to that, I still wake up before 8am. The idea of sleeping just leaves my stomach knotted. I don't even want to dream because he keeps appearing in them. Sleeping and dreaming? Bad. Tomorrow? Even worse. All my regrets, all my mistakes and its consequences... all catch up with me tomorrow. I'm running away from the repercussions. I'm a wuss. I'm a chicken. I do not own a backbone. The last thing I want is for tomorrow to come. I hate tomorrow. Only bad things happen tomorrow.
But time stops for no one. The sun eventually rises. Tomorrow still happens.
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