what if

I've decided that if I'm going to dodge studying and finishing work, I might as well do it productively. So, with that in mind, hello.


This blog's never gotten a real post where I'm not actually complaining about a boy, or not talking about myself in a completely douche bag-y way. So I've decided to actually blog blog. Whatever that means. And I'll start off with how my day was. I slept late (or early, however you want to see it) woke up late, got to school late, heard some speeches for Student Council, handed in my English assignment that I spent all night writing, filmed some cool shots underneath the theatre in school, nearly fell asleep in biology, barely finished my unappetizing lunch, so close to sleeping in math and laughed my ass off in french.

Wow. That felt so weird. And so... irrelevant. The new How I Met Your Mother episode was cool, though. Lily and Marshall had such a cute moment in the cab, I almost shed a tear. Barney was just awesome. Ted is always so relatable. I just love that cast. Dream cast of any show. The main reason why I love it so much is because the characters there are so super cool, but not too cool for you, you know?

Speaking of french, my friend JJ's moving to Korea soon. Like, real soon. It just dawned upon me that he's actually leaving in less than three weeks. And that thought scares me. JJ's my best friend in French. He's my best guy friend, period. I don't know who else I'll team up with for oral presentations. Just today, we were partners for this dialogue thingy and it was so funny and great! I can't do that with anybody. And it sucks so bad cause he's probably going to leave and not miss me and I'd just feel his absence in French. meh. I don't know who else I can complain about life to who would not necessarily make me feel better, but at least try. Because, despite everything I say, JJ's an awesome friend. And he's honest. But I think I'm being all nice and sentimental about him because I know he's leaving. If he weren't, I probably wouldn't be writing any of this.

Which got me to thinking... why is that? Why is it only when someone's about to leave, or you're about to die, or you know you have no other time to tell that person, is the time you tell people how you feel about them? I mean, we rely too much on a tomorrow and the sad thing is, we're not guaranteed a tomorrow. So whatever you have to say to someone, say it now.

Which eventually lead me to think about a boy. As always. I'll always be boy crazy, I can't help it. Though I hardly think I'm the only one, I'm just more open about it. Anywhoooo, right where was I? Oh yes! Boy. So, like I was saying. I'd love to say that I want to confess and get an answer from him in the next few weeks or so, but to be honest, I don't mind things as they are now. We're friends, we hang out on occasion, we're not awkward. Well, not so much. And... I don't want to spoil that. I don't mind where we are now and I'm afraid that whatever I do will just make us worse. And that would suck.

Choice: be a pussy and not do anything about it and forever remain unknowing to the possibilities. OR grow some balls and come clean to get your damn answer so you can either gettogetherandmakebeautifulbabies (I'm just kidding. no, not really.) or if it goes bad, use it as a reason to move on. I mean, the only reason why I've been holding on for so long is because I have that little piece of hope that feelings might just be mutual. but by the rate that I'm going, I'll just never know.


"On the outside, you're not that same naive kid anymore.
You've been through too much lately. 
But deep down, at your core, 
there will always be a part of you that rejects reality... that is eternally hopeful."